The answer to this question is no. But I think for almost 3 years I have been trying to hide from myself, my pain, and God. To back track a little, I was in counseling in the Fall of 2004 and it seemed very fruitful and productive. But then freaked from the pain it was exposing in my life and I stopped counseling the end of 2004. I think the past 2 and 1/2 years have been a slow hardening and withdrawing, hardening of myself. I have been hiding from the pain, and hiding from myself and running from God. I am scared thinking of the pain.
What brought this up and all is reading a post over at The Thinklings, Praying for Death. In the post Jared talks about the idea of praying for someone that's wicked to die. That brought me back to a horrible step father I had, Tommy. I have wished and prayed that Tommy was dead. Just thinking of him was like ripping the scab off a wound and the pain is there, still needing to be dealt with.
So now I have a choice: Face the pain and go to God with it or push it back down and move on. That second choice is easier in the short run, but not a very good idea. It just leads to broken cisterns being built. I have come to place before. It seems I keep revisiting this verse:
Jeremiah 2:13
"My people have committed two sins:
They have forsaken me,
the spring of living water,
and have dug their own cisterns,
broken cisterns that cannot hold water.
I want to be seeking the living waters of Jesus instead of digging my own cisterns that can not hold water.I need the Strength of Jesus, the Grace of Jesus, the Love of Jesus to face my pain.
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1 comment:
Well, it's been a few months since you left that post, and I'm sorry to see that there were no comments. I hope you have tapped into the Strength and the healing that you needed.
I've found your blog by following the link from a hit on my own blog. I had posted on...you guessed it...brokenness, some time back, also.
Blessings to you, and peace, strength and joy, in Christ Jesus.
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