Hiding, Again

“Can anyone hide in secret places so that I cannot see him?" declares the LORD. "Do not I fill heaven and earth?" declares the LORD.” Jeremiah 23:24

The answer to this question is no. But I think for almost 3 years I have been trying to hide from myself, my pain, and God. To back track a little, I was in counseling in the Fall of 2004 and it seemed very fruitful and productive. But then freaked from the pain it was exposing in my life and I stopped counseling the end of 2004. I think the past 2 and 1/2 years have been a slow hardening and withdrawing, hardening of myself. I have been hiding from the pain, and hiding from myself and running from God. I am scared thinking of the pain.

What brought this up and all is reading a post over at The Thinklings, Praying for Death. In the post Jared talks about the idea of praying for someone that's wicked to die. That brought me back to a horrible step father I had, Tommy. I have wished and prayed that Tommy was dead. Just thinking of him was like ripping the scab off a wound and the pain is there, still needing to be dealt with.

So now I have a choice: Face the pain and go to God with it or push it back down and move on. That second choice is easier in the short run, but not a very good idea. It just leads to broken cisterns being built. I have come to place before. It seems I keep revisiting this verse:

Jeremiah 2:13
"My people have committed two sins:
They have forsaken me,
the spring of living water,
and have dug their own cisterns,
broken cisterns that cannot hold water.

I want to be seeking the living waters of Jesus instead of digging my own cisterns that can not hold water.

I need the Strength of Jesus, the Grace of Jesus, the Love of Jesus to face my pain.

Beckham moves to Galaxy!

It is funny how a person can change. 5 years ago I would never even care one bit about soccer. That was before my daughter played and fell in love with soccer. Today she plays under 10 competitive soccer, soon to try out for U-11. So I was reading MyYahoo page this moring and when I saw the headline, Beckham will play for MLS' L.A. Galaxy, I called my wife and told her. Then I left a message with my sister, also a soccer fan. Not that long ago I remember listening to the Jim Rome Show and him talking about "Soccer Freaks" and agreeing with him. Here I am several years later on the sidelines of a soccer field cheering my daughter on and in a household that Tivo'd almost every single game of the World Cup. Something my daughter loves, has brought us to love something.

It is funny how you can often end up a location that you never intended on travelling toward. That brings me to my Jouney with God and I'm wondering what destination does he have me travelling toward. Sometimes it is hard to see where God has me on my journey because so often I get bogged down in the busyness of work and daily life that I forget to look up. I feel so saddled down with stress that I make no time for contemplation and reflextion. If I can just steal some time away, slow down and meet with him more regulary, all in life would be better.
I have plenty of time to notice soccer headlines regarding Beckham, but so often neglect what God wants me to discover.

What will be the next surprsining "Beckams" that are in my life. Will I be looking or for what God wants me to see or just distracted with the busyness and clutter? What does Jesus want me to focus on, or love, that I am missing?

New Year Wishes

I want to have a long list of new goals for the new year, but I don't. I want to say I am walking so close to Jesus, but I am not. I wish I could say I have a plan for the new year, but I can't.

I am just plain tired, weary and dry. I just need to cling to Jesus and his words: "Are you tired? Worn out? Burned out on religion? Come to me. Get away with me and you'll recover your life. I'll show you how to take a real rest. Walk with me and work with me—watch how I do it. Learn the unforced rhythms of grace. I won't lay anything heavy or ill-fitting on you. Keep company with me and you'll learn to live freely and lightly." Matthew 11:28-30

I feel beaten down and exhausted and I need to rest and refreshed by Jesus.

Can anyone else relate?